"it" just moved
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I want is dick and wine.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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