so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
