Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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