that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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