Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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