I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
