She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
