You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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