i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
