we're blogging at a bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
