i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
