She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
