remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
