Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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