I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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