dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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