I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
