i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
