Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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