I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
