I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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