is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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