Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
