we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
