Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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