I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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