nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
