I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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