You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
