If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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