OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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