mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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