Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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