i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
