So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
