I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
