There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just pee around me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
