The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
