Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
