My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
