Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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