If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
