We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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