And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm both gender and math confused
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
