I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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