I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
