I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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