If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
