East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this boner is exhausting
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
