My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
