Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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