They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
